Holly's Marriage Manifesta

I asked my online, Sociology of Family students to discuss divorce rates in personal terms. Below is my example, which also happens to serve as my Marriage Manifesta.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In 2016, my wife and I got married in a small ceremony in a fancy-shmance hotel. My wife is Jewish, and I’m an Atheist, so we compromised and had a rabbi officiate in a secular setting.

I’m well-educated. I’ve read the statistics that say Atheists, liberal folks, and some groups (including two-women couples) who have cohabitated before marriage have higher rates of divorce. Frankly, those stats kind of shock me, since I would think liberal Atheists would be less wedded (ha ha!) to traditional forms of marriage and emphasize egalitarian relationships, but what do I know?

Just a newly married couple leading their
best man, a dog, and their maid of honor,
a cat, back down the aisle.

Plus, there’s the queer factor. Minority stress, which is the strain of being members of a marginalized group, tends to shorten relationships among LGBT couples. This makes sense to me, especially for lesbians, who (spoiler alert) are two women, and women get paid less, so they’re likeliest to live in poverty, a big indicator of divorce.

But, ya know, I don’t plan to divorce my wife. After living a life in the closet in my 20s, I am finally free to shout out my love and celebrate my being in its fullness. My wife and I are interfaith and come from different class backgrounds, which I know also raises the chances of divorce (because homogamy, baby, which means peeps tend to marry folks from the same backgrounds as them). But, hey, we share the same values, respect the heck out of our differences, and have a deep friendship that I think makes us gel beautifully.

Don’t get me wrong. If folks want to divorce, go for it. I'm a big fan of not staying in soul-crushing situations. But I’m pretty sure my big, fat, queer marriage is here to stay.

Sources: Schaefer's Diversity in Families, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201710/are-same-sex-or-heterosexual-relationships-more-stable

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